When it was time for Lailah’s nap, I picked up her wrap (Girasol night rainbow 2.5) and as soon as she saw it, a big smile came to her face. I didn’t even wrap her with it but laid it across her back like a blanket. She began to yawn and every muscle in her body began to relax. 2 minutes later she had eyes closed and I put her in her bed with the wrap draped across her torso.

That piece of cloth has got us through SO much in the past year. From the difficulties of nursing, tummy bug, fevers, teething, single parenting, keeping up with her brother and sister, long nature walks, wherever strollers couldn’t go…the list goes on. My arms could’ve never been able to accomplish all that a wrap or carrier could! Babywearing gave me the ability to comfort my baby, cook a meal and care for my other two kids at the same time! Never did I think that this simple, yet beautiful wrap could create such a wonderful loving bond between mother and child.

So, as I lay my 19 month old down in her bed, a tear came to my eye because of the tenderness that this fabric has created in our lives. Babywearing/toddlerwearing is such a brief moment in time and I am so glad it has been a part of nurturing my children. The physical and emotional attachment, security and gentleness will carry on for years to come! Wearing my children while they are young has become foundational to our family.

Some beautiful sculptures capture the beauty and importance of babywearing through history.  Do you know of other artistic representations of babywearing?  Please share in the comments!

Do you have an opinion on what sort of mom is best? Live it. Be the change you want to see in the world. Ooze your ideals as you nurture your babies and raise your children. Unashamedly act on your convictions at home and in public. Let your confidence subdue imagined criticisms and allow you to smile compassionately at the real ones. No need to defend yourself or explain yourself, and no need for others to defend or explain themselves. Your quiet confidence, your peaceful demeanor and happy family will speak for themselves. And sometimes strangers will look in and see the madhouse that your family often is, but if you know that happiness and peace underlie the madness, then wave cheerfully at the strangers and stride forward with your family, unafraid or abashed. There is no one else fit to mother your children. No one else knows the intimacies of your family, no else cares as much about the daily happiness or long term success of your family. No one else is qualified. Happy Mothers Day, Mama!

With Summer peaking around the corner, a lot of us like to start using shorter wraps–less fabric wrapped around you is bound to be cooler for parent AND baby!  So I thought this was timely.  I made this video this winter, however, at the Grand Canyon.  Because if you find yourself about to wrap up your baby at the Grand Canyon, you might as well have your husband pull out the video camera, right?

Give this Short Double Hammock Carry a try, and let me know how you like it!

We got to Gainesville, Florida today.  We’re headed for North Carolina where my wonderful and musical husband–David Rosenfield–is attending the SouthEast Folk Alliance Conference, and then for Texas to enjoy good company and good music at the Kerrville Folk Festival.  Yee-haw!  This is a short trip, and we’ll be back in the bosom of our family by the end of June.

The wrap business comes on the road with us.  Precious cargo space that should be dedicated to our clothing, toys and possessions is instead taken up by stacks of wraps waiting to be sold.  So please, keep ordering wraps! I will keep shipping.  We’re somewhere new everyday, but every town has a post office and you can keep tabs on us by checking the postmark!

We have internet, too, so please, keep up with me on Facebook, feel free to email me, and keep sending your pictures, stories, and questions.  It wouldn’t feel like home without them

Attached Parenting is a label but you don’t have to have heard of it, studied it, or carefully adhere to it. The heart of it is to listen to and respond to your baby. No one ever hurt, spoiled, or confused a baby by listening to and responding to them. In fact, the practice of listening to and responding appropriately to 4 year olds, 12 year olds, 30 year olds, and 80 year olds alike will be found to increase mutual affection and respect, to produce a greater amount of common ground and shared feeling, to result in more, better, happier, and clearer communication and exchange of ideas, valuable to both parties.

Listening to and responding with love has never taught an individual to expect the world to revolve around them, but it has led individual’s to expect a certain degree of caring and kindness from those they choose to share their lives with. It teaches them to expect more than shallow friends, seek out better than “fair” romantic partners, and to care for others with honesty and integrity, free from agenda.

I urge you not to let social politics dissuade you from answering the needs of the helpless infant entrusted to you. I promise you that the bawling babe has no thought to manipulate you. What depths must a society fall to that such base motives could be assigned to our babies? Our BABIES?

And I remind you that taking care of ourselves and our needs is a full time job, that those of us blessed with parenthood are given a most impossible task in caring in full for the needs of another while we are supposed to be keeping ourselves going as well. If you need to use the bathroom and close the door to get some peace for one minute before you pick up that crying baby, I will not say that you have acted wrongly. Get what help you can in this task from your partner, your siblings, your friends, your parents, your neighbors, church, or community. Don’t kick yourself when your baby has to wait. Take a deep breath and allow yourself a little peace as you do what you need to do. This way you are more likely to be able to embrace your baby with love rather than resentment and in so doing you are more likely to comfort him and still his crying and fulfill you both.

And for those who wonder if some people take Attached Parenting to the extreme, and for those who ask Are You Mom Enough?…I encourage you not to close your minds to the possibility of breastfeeding, cosleeping, or babywearing out of hand. You make your parenting choices that work for you and your family and you cannot know, cannot even imagine, until you are a parent. And those of us who are breastfeeding, cosleeping and babywearing are doing it because it works for our families.

Yes, there are tons of wonderful reasons for me to nurse my babies, but it is no small thing to a mother of three that it is easier, faster, and simpler than any other feeding method. Do I enjoy not having to mix or prepare formula, store it in and out of the house, clean or disinfect bottles, pay for the pleasure of the extra work week in and week out, or try to stall a screaming baby in the middle of the night with stories of a bottle that will be ready soon? I do. I wont judge you if you do it a different way, but I’m doing what works for my family.

Cosleeping may reduce the risk of SIDS but since I breastfeed, it also means I don’t have to get up in the night. It means everyone in my house gets more sleep. It means I don’t have to strategize against my baby or toddler, battle planning how to get him or her to sleep in their own bed, forcing them to get used to sleeping alone, tricking them into thinking that I’m still there. I don’t have to listen to my baby crying while I count out the appropriate number of seconds or minutes before my strategic plan allows me to respond… That said, my first baby only slept with us for about 4 months because we did NOT sleep better together at that point. I laid her in her own bed with as much compassion, time, and patience as I could each and every time.  It was not particularly easy, but it was worth it.  See how I’m just doing what works for my family? The answer for your family is probably, whatever arrangement allows everyone to get the most sleep.  Parents who “don’t cosleep” may also find that they let their child into their bed, or climb into their child’s bed in the middle of the night anyway when they are too tired to enforce the house rules. Why not embrace it and look forward to waking up in a family bed, sun streaming through the windows on sleeping angels of various sizes, waking up to a cuddlefest or a tickle war, or a pillow fight, or a good book read together?

To say that extreme “APers” even let their baby into their bed is, in my opinion, disingenuous. It implies that this is new, radical, and a major sacrifice. The truth is that separate baby beds are the new fad, part of our culture of baby things that keep a baby out of a parents’ arms. I don’t condemn their use out of hand, but I cannot condone the suggestion that not using them often and regularly is some kind of a crazy, creepy, cult experience. Young babies are safest sleeping beside adult human beings (only given that you are not on drugs or pills of any kind, not under the influence of alcohol, and are otherwise healthy and capable). Our presence helps keep their new systems working, and if they do stop breathing in their sleep, we are likely to wake and find them and start them again. And can the fact that most of the families with several children are the cosleepers please put to rest the myth that cosleeping means no sex life? Becoming a parent means creative sex. No more same-time, same-place marital rut for you. Now you’re going to have to be spontaneous, seize the moment, and be willing not to “just finish up these dishes first.” I intend to get myself a bumper sticker: CoSleepers do it on the Couch.

Babywearing is one of my favorite things. That’s why I’m here (on this blog; not why I’m here on this planet—how extreme do you think I am?). I can—and do—go on about the benefits of babywearing, how it promotes babies’ development physically, mentally, and emotionally, but that doesn’t mean I think a baby that doesn’t get wrapped up is specifically at any disadvantage. Just as I think organic food is MUCH better for a child, or anyone, I cannot tell the organically fed children from the conventionally fed. We do the best we can with what we have and with what works for our families. Sometimes my family eats organic, sometimes it’s not in the budget. Babywearing, however, fits my life and budget very well. We don’t have the room or inclination for a stroller. We do a lot of hiking and climbing, and touring down cobblestone streets. We go to beaches, wade through creeks, crowd into little coffee houses, visit Rennaisance Festivals and engage in many other unpaved adventures. I have all these things to fit into my days that I cannot always schedule around naptimes—so babywearing means naps happen at the beach, or wherever we are and doesn’t keep us from pursuing the day’s activities. Besides that, I have three kids, myself and my husband to keep up with, I have all of us to feed and I need my hands free, I have my toddler’s hand to hold in parking lots, and I need to be able to chase her at a moment’s notice. No, mine is not a strolling life. Babywearing works for my family and makes my life easier.

I don’t do any of these things by way of sacrificing myself for my children. Oh, having children means a lot less me-time, and a lot of changes, and I look forward to getting a lot of personal freedom and autonomy back as they get older, but in the meantime nursing, cosleeping, and babywearing make these rough but wonderful years easier, more pleasant, more fun for all of us. Believe me, I am taking the easy road, as I need every break I can get at this point!

Responding to a crying baby is never extreme. Every time a baby cries, he or she is communicating something. They are hungry, or tired, or wet, or hot, or lonely, or even just want to be held by a parent, and is that really something bad, to be discouraged? Why? Even when you cannot figure out what a baby needs, your being there, holding, comforting, singing, whatever you do, helps that baby get through the discomfort or unhappiness with your support. If you are my friend, please don’t leave me alone to cry just to teach me a lesson.

If we are teaching lessons here, can it be that the world is full of loving people, that none of us need be alone?  How about acting in the best way you know how, without judgement of others doing the best they can?

Interested in my thoughts on continuing to parent toddlers and children with extreme love and kindness?

I’ve always used 100% cotton wraps.  There is a lot of variety available in 100% cotton.  But other textiles are popular, and I’m branching out now to find out why:

Bamboo is popular in wraps primarily because of how soft and airy it is.  It has a light, silky feel and a lovely sheen but is very strong and durable enough to machine wash (a big perk for parents).  What’s more, parents or children with sensitive skin–or those prone to allergies– may find that bamboo’s hypoallergenic and anti-fungal properties and natural UV protection make it the most comfortable carry around. To cap it off, its antibacterial properties make it naturally odor resistant.

Linen, as a fabric, feels fresh and smooth to the touch. In a wrap, the lightweight, breathable fabric is known for cooler wrapping and is often recommended as a Summer wrap for this reason.  Because it wicks moisture away, it keeps you and your baby feeling cool and dry.  Linen is not very elastic, and perhaps that is why it is popular with parents wrapping heavier babies or bigger kids: as they have less bounce, or give, linen wraps are very sturdy and hold a rock solid wrap job without having to worry about sagging.  Linen is also very durable and can be machine washed.

Silk has a beautifully luxurious sheen, and a lovely drape, making for some very classy baby wraps.  It is very flexible, molding around you and your baby like a glove, and provides a supportive carry that is also soft and comfortable.

I have a baby, a toddler, and a seven year old.  This spectrum of ages gives me some perspective that I didn’t have when my eldest was younger, and it occurs to me that these concepts compliment and build off each other:

When your baby cries, realize he or she is communicating a need.  He doesn’t have words, and crying is how he tells you something is wrong.

When your toddler cries, screams, or tantrums, realize that he or she is communicating a need.  Her emotions are bigger than her vocabulary and sometimes she doesn’t even know what is wrong, just that something is.  Even if you don’t know what’s wrong, you can help her by being patient, calm, and loving so that she knows she is somewhere safe while experiencing scary and overwhelming emotions, and that will allow her to come back into the present moment and calm down when ready.

When your young child “misbehaves” or acts out, realize that he or she is communicating a need.  His emotions are bigger than his ability to handle them gracefully, maybe because he’s hungry or tired, or under some other physical stress, because too many things have gone wrong today, or even because something has keyed him into some scary incident in his past that he doesn’t realize is affecting him.  The same thing happens to me when I’m not at my prime–I react  to unruly kids in ways that I resolved not to, ways that are not graceful or appropriate or helpful.  I misbehave, too.  You can help me at these times, and you can help your child the same way, by staying patient and calm and loving so that we know we are with someone safe until we feel safe enough to snap out of it and join you in civilized behavior.  Sometimes if my husband just silently pulls me in for a long, full hug, that does the trick.  You can try the same with your son or daughter.  Understand that this is not his usual face, that he is stressed.  The better you get at being a good listener and the less advice you offer, the less of that behavior you will see because you will have provided a safe outlet for when things are rough.

Likewise, if your baby bites you, or won’t leave the outlets alone, or pulls your hair, you know that she is learning and experimenting and it is your responsibility to keep yourself safe from her, and her safe from everything else so that she can safely explore.  When she continues to do these things despite repeated reminders, you know that it is developmentally appropriate

If your toddler draws on the wall, pulls the cat’s tail, and keeps getting sticks of butter out of the fridge, unwrapping them, carrying them around in his sweaty little hand, then leaving them around the house (What? No, it’s just a random, common example), you can remind yourself that he is learning how to cause effects in his world, practicing how to do things for himself, experimenting with self-determinism and feeling the waters of interpersonal relations.  It is your responsibility to set a good example and part of that good example is how to handle unplanned messes and disappointments gracefully.  When he fails to stop drawing on the wall when you come in and say, “No, stop that–STOP THAT!” then you remind yourself that this, too, is developmentally appropriate.  It is your job to stop him if it’s unacceptable, and it’s also your job to attempt to do it without bruising his self esteem, pride in his work, trust in you, or peace of mind.  Because that’s a parent’s impossible job, and the more often we manage it, the sooner our toddlers will grow into responsible and caring children that can be trusted with markers, cats, and the contents of the refrigerator.

If your young child leaves a mess, breaks her possessions, or disobeys direct instructions, remind yourself of how far she has come, how much she has learned, and how much easier she is to live with…than when she was a toddler.  Learn to take deep breaths and think before you act.  Think back to this blog post when I told you that the more independence you can grant her, the better you can listen to her, the more ways you can find to accept help from her the way she wants to offer it, the more ways you can find to appreciate her, and the more you can refrain from controlling her, the sooner she will improve on all fronts and blossom into the sweet, thoughtful, responsible and trustworthy person you know she is.  Every time you put more attention on what she’s doing right, instead of wrong, that’s when you will see her doing more right.  And as always, it is your job to set a good example.  She will show you respect when she sees you respecting her needs, objections, crises, contributions, explanations, and bright ideas.  She will become responsible for her messes, possessions, and obligations as you model responsibility be behaving consistently toward her and in your dealings with others (they are always watching).  Your thoughtful and caring actions towards her, will inspire her to think of how you might feel about her actions.  Be honest and frank in your communication and in your love.  Listen to her, and you will find her listening to you.

And most of all, remember that mothers who blog about how to mother, are subject to all the pitfalls that you are.  Lucky for me, this post was about some ideals to operate from, and not about the facts of my parenting wins and fails.  These are my beliefs, and when I am calm and all my children are asleep, I think about these ideas and smile peacefully. In the morning I will do my best to operate from them.  I think operating with loving intention is an awfully good start.

Be the change you want to see in the world!

Babywearing groups are great and I wish there was one available to anyone. But sometimes there’s a mom that has skills and willingness to help, but does not have the time or energy to create a babywearing group. I want to tap that resource for brand new wrappers everywhere because nothing makes wrapping easier than one on one assistance!

Our Facebook community had created a database of individuals, listed by US state or by country, that would be happy to help a new wrapper learn the basics or troubleshoot wrap difficulties. The database was lost during one of Facebook’s many restructurings, but I saved the info before it disappeared. Now the information sits on my hard drive, not helping much of anyone…

So it’s time to put up a new database, not hosted by Facebook or another entity that gets to change the rules whenever they want.

I’m going to create the list on my website, and ask all of you to be brave enough and proactive enough to volunteer your name and contact info so that when a new mom springs up in Somewhere, West Dakota*, and learns about wraps, and starts to think, “that looks too complicated for me—I’ll just use a stroller…” we will be there to say,

“Wraps are easy with practice, and here’s a list of friendly and experienced mamas in your state who wish you would call them so they can help you get the hang of it!”

Because parenting is easier with a wrap, and the babies seem to like it too

*I know, I know.

Seattle EllaRoo

I was disappointed to learn recently that EllaRoo has discontinued their rebozo (2.7 meter) size wraps.  I loved EllaRoo rebozos for quick carries, loved the thinness, and the fringe.  I have only one remaining EllaRoo rebozo in stock: Seattle.  The brand I have in my store that is still available in rebozo size is Storchenwiege, and luckily, they have many colors to choose from.  They are thicker which is nice for a cushier feel on the shoulders, and should still not be too warm for a Summer wrapping solution as a one-layered rebozo carry admits plenty of air flow.  Reports are that the organic Bio Louise Storchenwieges are thinner and cooler than the other weaves.

In the beautiful world of Bali Breeze, brought to us by the GypsyMama, we have seen several new colors this year, and said goodbye to several more (Gaia, Haumea, Whitman).  The latest wrap to be added to the discontinued list is Alice, which has been a pretty good seller for me, but I am consoled by the fact that she is always coming up with new beauties to replace the old and I would hate to miss out on new artwork just because I couldn’t let go   I still have some Alice wraps in stock (if you don’t see your size, email me as I may be able to get one), but there will be no more manufactured so these are the last.  Here’s Alice:

Alice Bali Breeze, with mother and baby Mynah birds

But such pretty new Bali Breeze!  My favorite is Hope, but you can see all three: Rainbow Hope, Purple & Grey Lily, and brown & pink Lana in my store right now.

Batik Rainbow Hope

And in the world of Storchenwiege, we have two brand new Leos (the famously soft, supple, cuddly, and beloved weave exclusive to Storch wraps)–Bordeaux and Cafe.  Which makes for seven gorgeous Leo colors now available in all sizes!

Leo Bordeaux Storch

And I’ve got my own plans for releasing an exclusive to Wrap Your Baby wrap.  But that’s not news yet.  You’ll just have to wait…