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Parenting Choices…Mothers Day Post

I’ve been so busy increasing inventory, putting up new web pages for new products, and sending newsletters out to my mailing list that I haven’t posted much.  I really wanted to get one in on Mothers Day, and now that the kids are in bed, I have at least half an hour left to do it!

I have realized that my parenting choices all work really well together.  Some of them would be very difficult without the others.  The choices I’m talking about, some of the things which are really important to me, are these:

1. Unmedicated birth, especially homebirth
2. Nursing (for more than a year)
3. Babywearing (bet you saw that one coming)
4. Meeting baby’s needs (not letting them “cry it out”)
5. Taking care of my babies and children myself every day (stay-at-home-momming)
6. Homeschooling (child-led, not curiculum-led)
7. Not vaccinating
8. Cloth Diapering

As mothers, we all want the best for our babies AND our families.  We can’t have happy babies without happy mommies, so it’s important that we not martyr ourselves for our children.  So there is no place to judge.

Homebirth is so much easier than hospital birth because the pregnant woman is in a comfortable place, and if she is alone or with supportive people, birth is not interfered with.  Mandated positions, food/drink prohibitions, monitoring, time-limits, and examinations can all lead to disaster–and those are just a very few of the most mild interventions that have become routine.

Nursing has never been hard for me.  One reason is that my daughters were born at home and no one interfered with our nursing.  Babies born in hospitals may be sabotaged from developing their natural nursing relationship by these means, among others: medicated birth, separation from mother (brief or long), being bathed, being swaddled, being offered bottles, and being subjected to a schedule.  Therefore homebirth made nursing easy.  The fact that the people I surround myself with are loving supporters of breastfeeding is also a huge factor.

Extended nursing–nursing until my babies are done–has been facilitated by my stay-at-home position, my group of nursing-supporting friends and family, and my babywearing, which allows me to nurse while doing other things.

Babywearing works because it is such a huge boon to my mothering that it would have been silly not to find a way to babywear.  As a stay-at-home mom I am with my baby every day, all day.  I know that holding her is best for her and she knows that she doesn’t like being put down.  Babywearing makes it all go smoothly, and allows us to nurse easily anywhere too!

I feel strongly that babies, in all their dependence, are supposed to be cared for constantly.  They are not supposed to be left alone until they can manage themselves.  They cry when their needs have not been met.  Sometimes it is impossible to meet their needs, and then we can hold them and let them know they are not alone while they are unhappy.  Constant care is not so intimidating when you realize that babies don’t need much.  Human contact and company, mother’s milk, someone to take care of their elimination and otherwise keep them comfortable, sleep.  Babywearing allows me to give my baby those things easily.  Staying home with my kids means I’m the one caring for them and I know that they get what they need.

I don’t like to say that I am lucky to be a stay-at-home mom because it’s so much more than luck.  Yes, my husband can support us with his income.  But we also live within our one-income means.  Some husbands make more money and their families cannot afford to give up the mom’s income.  Some husbands make less, and the family makes do with less.  Some people have kids and no husbands to support them.  We’ve built what we have in life, and we shape our lives around it to best fit our priorities.   One thing that makes it possible for me to take care of our kids is that we don’t pay for daycare or school.  Seems obvious, but it means that our children, so far, do not cost us much money at all.  Being a stay at home mom allows me to nurse my children as much and as long as we want.  It also allows me to hold my babies as much as possible.

Homeschool is very important to me for more reasons than I can reasonably list here.  Some biggies are that I think my children can learn more if they aren’t kept in a school all day; I don’t want to miss being with them every day; I don’t want them socialized by schoolkids; I don’t want strangers or the government choosing what to teach them.  My five year old loves learning, and so do I.  We learn all the time, and we don’t use a list to do it.  We learn out of order, anything we like, anytime we like.   We can do this because I am a stay at home mom.  This also means that we don’t have to follow a certain schedule, which means we don’t have to train our babies and children to schedules.  Instead we can see to their needs as they come up.

We don’t vaccinate because we trust and support our immune systems and we know there are many dangers in vaccines.  We try to eat well and take care of ourselves.  We do not put chemicals or medicines in our bodies if we can help it.  We are aware of and in control of these things much more because our kids are home with us.  Our children also start out with all the right immunological protection from nursing, and extended nursing means they continue to reap the benefits.

And finally cloth diapering is so much healthier for our babies, without even bringing our checkbooks (remember we’re on one income) and the planet into it.  Just as we don’t put chemicals into our bodies, we don’t store chemicals beside our babies’ genitals.  We stick to 100% cotton–natural and breathable.  And we take our babies to pee and poop in appropriate places (toilet, potty, bush) when we are in good enough communication to know that they need to go.  Because healthiest of all is not having your urine and feces on your skin at all.  Also cheaper, and easier (imagine not having to change diapers).  As a stay at home mom I am our children’s primary caregiver, and I get to choose what to put them in, and I choose NO DISPOSABLES!  Because I babywear and am usually with my baby, I am able to facilitate her elimination needs with elimination communication.

Because we spend our days together, and because we do not have an academic schedule, we are able to cloth diaper, nurse, and learn all the time, and everywhere we go, and I know that my baby or child is not left with unfulfilled needs.  At the same time, my needs can be met because we are that flexible with schedules and plans.

It works so well.  I wouldn’t change a thing!