And Another Thing (co-sleeping)
Chances are, if you are pregnant with your first baby, you’ve daydreamed about what it’s going to be like to hold your baby, wondered what kind of personality your baby will have, even speculated about what your baby will grow up to be. But I bet you haven’t considered whether or not you will “let your baby cry it out.”
In the milky haze of pregnancy, all my thoughts were rose-tinged baby toes, cute-as-a-button noses, and the perfect fit of baby to mother. I wouldn’t have dreamed of sitting unhappily in the living room listening to my baby cry in the other room, and I don’t think any mother goes into it with this in mind.
You don’t have to and your baby shouldn’t have to, either.
While deciding not to co-sleep is not simultaneous with letting your baby cry, choosing to co-sleep precludes the concept most decidedly. When your baby is with you, your baby will never have to cry for you. It’s that simple. It’s a very small, tremendously compelling reason to choose co-sleeping.
Perfectly at peace with her daddy...
t. June 5, 2010 at 12:45 pm
I couldn’t agree more with your posts lately. I wear my baby a lot (just bought a bali breeze LOVE IT!) and believe in attachment parenting.
My boy starts the night in his crib (he is a light sleeper and when we are still up in our room, he wakes very easily) and then when I go to bed, he comes in with me. I love having him close so much.
The problem we are having is night waking. He is up every 2-3 hours and it seems he doesn’t know how to self-soothe. Everyone tells me not to nurse him or pick him up but I find that impossible and so against my heart! Any suggestions on how to get him to sleep longer without breaking both our hearts?
I know you have a nb too and another child so perhaps you are a seasoned vet in this regard. 🙂
Diana June 7, 2010 at 12:44 pm
I don’t know how old your baby is, but my 5 month old wakes frequently too. We nurse (and sometimes potty) and she falls back asleep nursing (so do I). Does this not work for you?
Self-soothing is not a baby skill. That’s our job. You don’t have to worry they’re not learning it. It’s not age-appropriate. Everyone has their own advice, but mine is to pick up and nurse the baby, if that is what your baby needs. I found that when I found what made my baby happy, we were both happy and more rested. She goes to back to sleep faster and so do I. Our relationship is not harmed. Her body is not flooded with stress hormones. Harmony.
Anyway, you don’t have to listen to me, but do listen to your baby, and do listen to your heart!
I’m so glad you love the Bali Baby Breeze. I’m loving mine in this heat, too!
t. June 7, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Diana: This EXACTLY works for me! I have no problem nursing and loving him everytime he wakes. He will be five months next week and is going back to sleep faster and faster! I will admit, it was rough early on since I am a sleeper but now I am used to it. I guess its the pressure from all the folks who ask, is he sleeping through the night? Oh he should be, you should do this or that…even our pediatrician gave us advice and he is holistic and a fan of AP! Sigh.
I finally, this weekend, said I am doing what feels best for us and funny, he has slept the best ever in the last three nights. Funny how these beautiful beings are so intuitive!
Thanks for your advice. I definitely am listening.
Tina June 9, 2010 at 12:01 am
t. remember that many people in our society are very versed in formula feed baby behaviour. Many of those same poeple don’t believe in or understand co-sleeping also. This leads many people to think that babys should be sleeping at least 7+ hrs a night without waking at all (possiably because formula is diffucult for babies to digest!!) and because the parent-child cues are not as closely intertwined like they are for those that choose to nurse and co-sleep.
In my personal opinion if a baby barely wakes and nurses back to sleep without waking completely and wanting to play that is sleeping through the night (even if the baby is nursing every 2 hrs).