Due to the seventeen thousand obscene spam comments posted in one day to this article in it’s original incarnation, I had to delete the original post and am reprinting the text here. AND, all comments will now require approval prior to posting! Here’s the blog post again for all the real readers:
It’s not that I don’t think moms everywhere can use all the help they can get. As far as I’m concerned, mothering is the most valuable job there is and I don’t know a single mother who thinks it’s easy.
So I apologize in advance to all the moms who carry around the infant car seat, but I don’t think we should make it easier to carry!
Flying Falcon Car Seat Harness
Holding your baby is one of the best things you can do for your baby. Sure, this culture makes it difficult sometimes. While driving, for example. And that’s why the car seat was invented. But putting a handle on it was going too far, and putting a strap on it is another step in the wrong direction.
Instead of making it easier to keep your baby at arms length, maybe we should brainstorm ways to make it easier to hold your baby. Instead of making it more convenient to mistreat your body by carrying one of these heavy, unwieldy contraptions, perhaps we should rethink the lifestyle that requires it.
I do not condemn a parent for using the infant car seat to carry their baby. But it’s an inconvenience that should remain inconvenient to encourage us to find a better way
Arguments for the car seat harness:
It won’t increase infant seat use, just make it easier for when it is used. I disagree–new moms are bombarded with gadgets to make their lives easier that really won’t. And those gadgets get in the way of their finding out about the simple things that can make a difference…like a functional baby carrier.
It’s easier on mother and baby to let the baby continue sleeping peacefully when you get to your destination. Easier, maybe, but not better. Most babies can be transferred easily from carseat to a wraparound baby carrier without waking up, or will settle right back to sleep with their heads against our hearts. For those who insist that their baby will wake up and scream through the entire errand, may I recommend learning to nurse in the wrap? It’s a rare baby who isn’t appeased by the boob.
With more than one young child, the infant car seat is a necessity. I applaud parents of multiple children. I want a herd myself. But the more kids you have to wrangle, the more you need your baby content and your hands free. It is the wrap, not the carseat, that will provide that. In the wrap you are not carrying significantly more weight than your baby. You have two free hands. You are able to run if need be. You can pick up an older child. You can hug other children.
You can’t wear a baby when you are pregnant. Yes you can! Much more comfortably than you can carry an infant carseat, which I would not think would be advisable while pregnant!
It makes eating in a restaurant so much easier. First, I find it very easy to eat in a restaurant while wearing my baby. If I’m eating with family, I usually don’t even get to wear her because everyone wants a turn and she is passed around. Second, even if it made it easier, it is not worth it to me. Being there for your baby, physically, is so much more valuable!
There’s no sense taking baby out of the warm carseat in frigid weather. This is the argument I am most sympathetic with. But I still wouldn’t do it. The wrap is a very warm place, and transferring baby into a pretied front carry takes less than a minute, so unless it was really cold, I would do this, and close my coat over both of us. When it’s seriously cold, I suppose one could climb into the car to transfer the baby with the door closed, if possible. Or carry the carseat inside and then remove baby, but if you’re at the mall, you still have to carry the carseat at this point! So I would expect to limit mall trips on freezing days.
Using the infant seat allows me to put my baby down and get some chores done. Hey, the wrap allows you to hold your baby AND get some chores done!
I don’t actually hold my baby constantly. I pass her off to friends and family. I put her down on a blanket on the floor or on the grass. She sleeps in our bed, not on my chest. But when we’re running errands? That’s not a time to put her down. That’s a time to keep her close.
And for those parents who find the occasional use for the infant car seat, that’s fine. But let the inconvenience of the thing give you pause to consider whether the situation really warrants it!
It became official on Thursday when I was at Busch Gardens with my girls. Annabelle was wrapped on my back in a rucksack, and I was chasing Ada from attraction to attraction when a babywearing mom ran to catch up with me and tell me that, “I told my husband it was the woman from the website!”
Mama, you made my day! And the invite to our babywearing group is always open if you ever make it closer to Dunedin! Wednesdays at 11am at the Labor of Love.
Babywearing becomes more valuable when carrying your children becomes more of a challenge. Pregnancy is such a time. You may become tired more easily, but that fact does not keep your toddler or preschooler from needing and wanting to be carried. If you are going to be carrying your child, let the wrap help you out!
When my good friend Rachel was pregnant with her second baby, baby number one was two years old. They let me take some photos of them to demonstrate wearing a toddler in a back wrap cross carry while pregnant:
Two year old in a BWCC tied under pregnant bump.
Babywearing and hanging laundry while pregnant!
BWCC supports two-year old comfortably on her mamma's back.
That was two years before my pregnancy, and the only babywearing while pregnant pictures I can find of myself are me wearing Rachel’s second daughter. Aurora is in the tummy in the photos above, and on my back in the photos below. You can just see my belly starting to bulge with Annabelle-to-be, and this is the very same wrap two years later:
Wearing a two year old while pregnant.
Rebozo one-shouldered back carry.
There are two important things to know about wrapping while pregnant:
Don’t do anything that strains your body.
Experiment with carries to find one that is comfortable for your pregnant body.
The Back Wrap Cross Carry is often a good one, as the crosses can be spread wide over the chest for comfort, the multiple passes over your child provides sturdy support for a bigger kid, and the wrap can be tied above or below the bulge.
Back carries allow your child to be carried and cuddled against you, without giving you too much of a workout, and without jeopardy of squishing the baby growing around front. Additionally, the weight on your back can actually balance out a hugely pregnant tummy and feel very comfortable for some pregnant ladies!
Recently the Infantino bag sling was recalled after some babies died in the carrier. It is terrible that deaths had to occur before this dangerous product was recalled, and it is a reminder to all parents to treasure our children and to make sure we know how to carry them safely.
Whenever you carry a newborn you must make sure that the baby’s chin is not tucked against his chest as this closes the airway so that the baby cannot breathe. A person of any age will find it easier to breathe when the neck is not folded over, and the littler the baby, the more vulnerable to this problem.
When choosing a baby carrier, avoid ones that curl babies up so that this chin-to-chest position is possible. The bag sling–unlike traditional slings–has baby sunk down in a deep pouch in a curved shape and there is nothing to protect a newborn from this unsafe positioning, or from rolling to the side so that mouth and nose can be pressed against the side of the carrier.
A good pouch, sling, or wrap should always be worn so that your baby is held tight against you–not dangling off your shoulder like a purse. Even aside from the issue of safety, all the benefits of babywearing are gained by having baby’s body pressed against yours!
Newborns can be worn in an upright position from birth to avoid being pushed into the unsafe position. As most babies prefer the upright position, it is the way I usually teach new parents to wear their wraps anyway.
However, a cradle position can be used safely if desired. If your baby seems to sink into a deep pouch of the carrier, you are probably placing your baby straight down the center, or deepest part, of the fabric. Instead of placing your baby parallel to the sides of the pouch, you should put your baby in diagonally: baby’s head should be towards the outside of the carrier and baby’s bottom should be towards your stomach. By resting baby’s head on the outer side of the pouch, it is held up (your baby’s head will be higher than his bottom and legs) where it is unlikely to be pressed against the chest and where you can clearly see to ensure that it is not!
In other words, in the striped wrap below, if I had placed my baby parallel to the stripes she would be sunk down somewhere along the purple stripe with her head on my right on the purple stripe and her bottom and legs toward my left side, still along the purple stripe. This positioning would curl her body up. Instead she is diagonal to the fabric with her head on the outer gray stripe which is much higher and this keeps her body much straighter along her spine.
Note that this was an upright carry which got lowered and tilted for purposes of nursing, but because of the stripes I felt it was perfect for the purposes of this discussion!
Cradle carry with baby's head toward the outer rail of the wrap fabric.
You should always follow these rules while babywearing:
Wear baby tight against you so that there is no possibility of rolling or turning in the carrier.
Do not cover your baby’s face with fabric–you want your baby to get plenty of oxygen and you also want to be able to see him!
Keep baby’s head from slumping forward–you should be able to fit two fingers between your baby’s chin and chest at all times.
Do not use any positioning that causes your baby’s breathing to sound labored.
Any carrier that does not allow you to follow these rules is a dangerous place to put your baby. There are several other brands of bag slings that were not involved in the recall but have the same basic design and inherent risk. Here is a good video that can help you identify dangerous carriers: Proper Infant Positioning in a Baby Sling
Babies sink down into bag slings so that their heads can curl forward onto their chests--dangerous for a little baby!
Cradle carry with a Storchenwiege Wrap holding baby's upper body (head to butt) in more of a straight line so the chin isn't tucked.
Belle is three months now, and fourteen lbs! I find that I am not wrapping her legs in anymore. They are so long and strong that they no longer seem to be part of the bundle I used to wrap. Instead of a newborn ball, Belle is unfolding into a more humanoid shape!
Front Cross Carry with Mary EllaRoo
Current favorite carries are:
still the Front Cross Carry (FCC) most often and anytime we go out because she is still nursing a lot and it is still the easiest to adjust into nursing position, and simplest for popping in and out of as we drive from errand to errand.
still Double Hammock Carry (DHC) for a back carry because it is just so easy, solid, and comfy, and I can do it with the same size wrap that I want with me for the FCC
DHC’s shorter cousin the Reinforced Rear Rebozo Rucksack (RRRR) because it’s even faster and simpler than DHC with the same sturdiness and a great high back carry for hot weather since it can be done with 3 meters
And I think maybe I’ll play with some hip carries today and keep you posted!
Last weekend we took our two kids–aged five years and just shy of three months–camping for three days! It was the Harvest of Hope Festival. It rained some serious rain the first day and night and was beautiful and muddy the next two days.
Our kids slept amazingly well in the sleeping bags as loud, drunk people shouted past and stumbled into our tent throughout the night. It was so cozy having the four of us cuddled up so closely on out tiny, portable room.
At night we all listened to the sound of rain on the canvas ceiling and walls and in the morning Belle gazed up with joy and awe at the glowing tent walls billowing in noisy wind. It was SO nice that my husband is seriously considering my crazy plan to live in a yurt in the mountains!
Belle gazing at the tent walls.
By day we weren’t much in the tent and Annabelle wasn’t much out of the wrap! I kept the Front Cross Carry tied on and out of the mud. The mud was so prevalent that there wasn’t anywhere to put a baby down when we weren’t in the campgrounds so she came out only for the occasional potty/diaper change, and to listen to Kimya Dawson’s childrens show while Ada went onstage to join the band!
Kids at Harvest of Hope 2010.
Belle listening to the concert.
Ada plays with Kimya Dawson at 2010 Harvest of Hope.
Wrapping liberated me to go camping with my kids and I am so glad!
The Double Hammock Carry is a back carry done with two rebozo passes over baby. They are like hammocks because they do not cross between baby’s legs, but support baby’s body with legs sticking out from underneath. Well, a stray comment on TheBabyWearer inspired me to try doing the Double Hammock Carry with the crosses between baby’s legs.
Verdict? It was fine. Spreading the wrap across the torso is kind of silly, though, because the wrap is bunched up from under baby’s legs as it comes around your torso, and the spreading isn’t going to be tight and supportive as it is with the standard double hammock where the wrap comes around your torso above baby’s legs and is already spread wide and flat.
I didn’t find it uncomfortable or saggy with my little baby, but I doubt it would hold up for long with a bigger child.
The front of the modified Double Hammock Carry tied with a half knot.
You can see that the wrap crosses between her legs like a Back Wrap Cross Carry.
The wrap comes from under her leg to spread out over my chest.
Sometimes as I wrap Belle she stretches her legs out to push against the bottom of the wrap. Usually she’ll eventually bend her knees and sink down some and my wrap job may not be as snug around us as I’d like, anymore. It’s easy to reach through and just bend her knees so that she is in position and I can snug the wrap job. Here it is with a Front Cross Carry:
You can see that she is standing up in this Front Cross Carry.
Reaching in under the crosses to bend her knees.
Side view of reaching under the crosses to position her legs.
I’ve recently hit upon my new favorite nursing position. I guess I’ve been wrapping Belle with legs out more often. Now I’ve found that if I start in an upright Front Cross Carry, I can get a really comfortable and rock-solid nursing position (meaning truly hands-free) every time by lifting one of the crosses out from between her legs so that she leans sideways.
Let me explain, then I’ll post some pics to clarify. I loosen the wrap a little, then lift Belle’s body so her weight’s not on the wrap, then I pull one of the crosses down from between her legs and around her body so that both legs are sticking out one side. If I’m going to nurse her on my left side, then the cross coming over my right shoulder is the one that I’ll remove from between her legs. Now that cross will be coming from my right shoulder, around her body, and around my left hip. Her cute little legs will be sticking out on my right side, with the other cross still between them, and her head will be positioned at my left breast.
And I suspect that this is one of those cases where a picture is worth a thousand words so without further explanation…
Legs sticking out of one FCC cross.
At the nursing end of the Front Cross Carry.
Something about this particular position is very easy for me to get adjusted just so and does not require adjustments thereafter so I’m what you call a fan!
Saturday my mom took Ada to spend the night with her, and David and Annabelle and I cleaned the living room. It was so nice to just dedicate myself to cleaning for an hour or so, without distractions or interruptions and it was VERY nice to have a clean living room. I’ve been taking pains all week to keep it nice because I think we’re all happier when our space looks lovely.
Wrapping Belle meant that I wasn’t interrupted by a baby needing to be picked up. Wrapping her on my back meant that I was even able to lean over the washing machine, and there was no bundle in front of me to interfere with sweeping! It also meant that Belle was a happy baby, cuddled up to her momma. Having just nursed, she happily went to sleep and my body movements kept her asleep for the duration. Lucky kid woke up to find all of the work finished!
Sweeping while Belle snoozes in a Reinforced Rear Rebozo Rucksack.
I’ve got it pretty easy. My big kid is five–a much more cooperative and responsible age than, say, three–and my little kid is only two months old, which means she’s easy to keep track of!
So shopping is not difficult. I buckle in Annabelle. Ada buckles in herself. When we get there, Ada lets herself out, carefully staying near the car, while I unbuckle Annabelle and slip her into my wrap (pretied in a front cross carry).
When we get into the store, Ada rides in the shopping cart and this is the only tricky part! With a baby wrapped on my front, it’s surprisingly difficult to lift Ada straight up and into the seat.
Out is easy. If I take the cart to our car, Ada enjoys climbing out into the trunk of our minivan and from there into her seat. I just hold the cart still. That is her preferred way but she can as easily climb out of the cart into the open side door next to her booster seat.
If we don’t take the cart into the parking lot, I just turn my back to Ada, and she climbs out of the cart onto my back and slides down. This is actually not awkward, difficult, or uncomfortable at all. I should have my husband video tape it sometime to demonstrate!
But getting Ada in the cart is difficult. I can manage it, by picking her up toward my side so as not to squash her sister, but always prefer to have her climb in without me if she can. We look for steps, or short walls that give her a boost into the cart.
It would be much easier if I had Annabelle on my back but she is almost always nursing while we run erranhds so for now, we make do.
Babywearing, and nursing, at the Florida State Fair:
Nursing on the Ferris Wheel
Goat, Annabelle, and I
Sideways in the Front Cross Carry
Above you can see where I put Annabelle in the front cross carry sideways. I figured it would give her a view while still supporting her in a physiologically safe way, and giving her a way to cuddle against me before she became overstimulated. I think it’ll work great, but the fact is that right now all she wants to do, especially in a noisy public place, is nurse. So she soon ended up tummy to tummy again. Also known as mouth to nipple.
Once or twice we ended up stuck behind a clunky stroller trying to maneuver through the muck of the fair. I was glad not to be so burdened, and also not to be burdening my fellow fair-goer!
I love our local weekly moms group (and if you live anywhere near Pinellas County Florida you’re invited–Wednesday’s at 11am at the Dunedin Labor of Love). It is so much fun to hang out with a group of strong women and happy babies and be able to ask questions of and discuss topics with the kind of people whose answers you respect and appreciate!
And I get to wrap with other moms. Sometimes I’m showing them the ropes (showing them the wraps?), sometimes we’re just having fun. Wrapping is fun, but wrapping in good company is better:
Getting wrapped up together!
Our babies are in the same position as when they were in the womb!
Sometimes when I’m showing someone how to adjust the wrap behind them, I run into this problem that they simply cannot reach as well as I can. So I had to learn a new way to wrap up a little baby in a high back carry. A way to do it without reaching high up my back.
Today I experimented with a rucksack. I found that I could do the entire carry, bringing the straps over and under the legs, while my 7 week old baby was very low on my back. Then a few bouncing tugs on the tails hiked her up to my neck. Voila!
I’m so good, I even had it together to make a video!
A (well meaning) friend asked with concern whether Annabelle sleeps outside the wrap since “it just seems like such a comfortable place to sleep!”
I hastily assured her that Annabelle sleeps just fine in her cradle by day and in our bed at night. “But not on me,” I assured her. I was quick to defend babywearing from the implication of spoiling babies. But upon reflection, I wonder at this obsession with not letting babies get too attached, and I wish I could say that I had answered, “I don’t know how she would sleep without me and I’m not interested in finding out!”
We don’t have to teach infants independence. They’re incapable of independence– they rely on us completely. As they become capable their independence will spring from the knowledge of security in our love and support. Do we want to teach our children that they can sooth themselves by demonstrating that they survive our neglect, or do we want them to learn self-soothing from our loving example?
The fact is that infants are designed to be on their mothers constantly. Mother and baby thrive this way and the more devices and conveniences separate a baby from his mother, the more benefits are lost.
Perhaps if our culture could shift the emphasis in child rearing away from convenience and toward constant nurturing, we might discover the “convenience” of satisfied, thriving babies; of children who completely trust parents; of neighbors, co-workers, and politicians who have all benefited from an early introduction to a love-filled world . . .
I’m not recommending martyrdom. In fact, I experience relief from pressures when I remind myself not to worry about my actions “spoiling” my child by allowing her to become accustomed to sleeping in-arms, nursing-on-demand, and having her every newborn whim catered to as best I can. Once I let those considerations go, I find that I am free to delight in the constant sight, smell, sound, and feel of my baby. I am free to neglect the dusting, let the machine answer the phone, and wear the same outfit I wore yesterday. I am free to spend hours relaxing with my baby and I find that catering to her every whim provides an enjoyment and satisfaction beyond anything I could get done while she naps in the cradle.
I’m not going to waste my time worrying that she’ll never learn to sleep by herself. People all across the globe and throughout history have managed it.
Just my opinion but the only “spoiled” baby is the one whose babyhood is wasted on sleep training and feeding schedules. Even then, the baby isn’t spoiled–it’s really just the time together that’s been spoiled. And there’s no getting that time back.
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